Never Underestimate Yourself

I fully accept that on occasion my bitchiness is out of control. I have slapped a girl in a bar because she was wearing the same dress as me, and said we were twins (just for the record, she was fat, and I’m not). There was this girl that was mean to my best friend, and we ran into her on her 26th birthday, and instead of just saying happy birthday I said, “It’s nice that the age you turn coincides with the number of people you’ve whored around with so far this year.” 

But these things I remember…. recently an old friend emailed me with an old email I had written to him. He was this pretentious bastard when we went to school together and he had emailed me with some flip comment about how I should go to his frat formal with him. And I emailed him back, “Aww Dave. That’s so much for thinking of me for your frat formal date… I’d be thrilled, but I’m busy that whole weekend avoiding you and your creepy drunk advances.  Better luck with someone with lower standards.”

Clearly I’ve underestimated how blunt I am. 


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