Today we’re doing a throwback story.
Back in college, before I realized that B’s on my transcript were not a big deal, I realized after my midterm that I was going to get a B in Mechanical Engineering even if I got an A on the final.
Earlier in the semester, the TA for the class, John, had asked me on a date a couple times, and I had said I would think about it. Well, after getting my midterm grade and having John review my midterm with me… he asked me out again. A little lightbulb went off, and I realized if I went out with him I could change that nearly guaranteed B to an A! So I immediately accepted. We went on a bunch of dates and finally one day I went back to his place with him.
And the worst thing on earth happened to me. WORST.
We started fooling around, I told him I wanted him naked, and then I pulled his pants off. And…. He had the smallest. SMALLEST. penis I have ever seen. I just. I couldn’t. I mean. What does one do? Normally I’d just plead drunkeness and pretend pass out. But I wasn’t drunk. And then I thought I should pretend I have my period, but we had already fooled around so we knew that wasn’t true. Then I was like… AH HAH! I’ll just say I’m not ready…. but I mean was naked and 2 seconds from penetration and I had initiated the whole sex thing. I couldn’t just run out because then he might go all unibomber on my grade. I couldn’t just leave.
I sucked it up, and just had sex with him. I mean it is just sex, but I am not going to lie…. It was terrible. It just. sucked. And I couldn’t break off the whole thing with him because he might get all unibomber on my grade. So I slept with him until the end of the semester, and once I got my grade (A-!!!! wheeeeeeewwwwwww) I started acting like a completely irrational and crazy girl (because I don’t like dumping nerds, especially when they have some control over my grades) and cried a bunch until he broke up with me because he couldn’t handle more stress.
Oh. Thank GOD!
So after two months of the worst sexual frustration, I got an A- and moved on with my life.