Monthly Archives: February 2013

No. Nope. I’m good, thanks.

Today I went for a walk, I ran into an old high school friend.

We chatted.

Then he said “Can I kiss you?”

And my response? “Who me?! Why?! No. Nope. I’m good, thanks.”

I laughed. And then trotted off.

 

As my good friend always says, “Not ideal, not ideal.” It’s not that I don’t like the guy, but I am also not the type to just go around willy nilly kissing men for no good reason. I know it’s very straight-laced and uptight of me, but I simply am not that person to just go around puckering up. Reason or not, I think I need to work on how to say “no” without being so darned weird.

 

 

 

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The Idea of Monogamy

I met someone a few months ago, John (because everyone’s name is John). He told me that he regularly has affairs, but he had no plans to leave his wife and no plans to tell her about his incessant need to sleep with other women. He explained that “the main goal is sex. The emotional stuff I share with the person I love, my wife.” He also told me that he has rules. He only has affairs with married women who aren’t interested in ending their marriages, and  he ends all of his affairs within a few months, and doesn’t get attached.

I asked if he thought she would leave him if she ever found out. He said “I don’t know… and I don’t plan on finding out.”

John has had several affairs over the years, but he claims the number of affairs he has had is irrelevant, because they don’t mean anything substantive. His “one” is his wife. He’s married to her, for better or for worse. He told me that the affairs mean nothing, so there is no reason to hurt his wife by telling her about them. After all… what she doesn’t know, can’t hurt her… and he doesn’t want her to leave him.

I’ll be honest… his type? It’s high on my list of nightmares. I believe in singular marriage. Monogamous. One person only. Of course, I am not married so I definitely do not understand the complexities of marriage, children, sharing life, and all that stuff… but I can only hope that I never get married to someone like John. There is something so awful about lying to someone so they won’t leave you. It is almost like trapping someone by deceit. I would want the option of making the decision to leave or stay if my spouse felt the need to cheat and sleep around… I wouldn’t want to feel like my husband lied to me to trick me into staying with him. It’s just…. psychologically messed up.

What do you think? What is your idea of monogamy?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Cruelty and Kindness

My friend posted an anonymous letter from an animal shelter manager (I’ve copied and pasted it below for you to read), and as I read it, I was filled with sadness because of the cruelty we, as humans, are able to inflict.

I don’t often think of the cruel and mean things that we are capable of because I have had a sheltered and all too precious existence. Perhaps, it is also my own ignorance and willful disregard for the uglier truths around me, but I am always taken aback when I contemplate how great our reach is and what we are capable of. As I have matured, I think a lot about the uglier side to being human.

Humans are capable of great things. Great in ways that are astounding, but also in ways that are terrifying. We feel a grand array of emotion that exceeds even the vocabulary we have devised to express it. We are capable of inflicting the same emotion we feel. We understand loss, and we know how to inflict that same sense of loss onto another human, another being. We are capable of taking advantage of innocence.

I’d like to believe that life is simply filled with all of the beautiful things that we like, but I know that life is not. I know that there is a time and place for all that is not kind or nice. There are parts of life where we must struggle, fight, and do hurtful things to maintain the niceness that we strive and aim for. It’s a sensitive balance of maintaining a certain level of not-pretty behavior to be able to continue to hold on to all that is pretty and precious to us. Unfortunately, often times in the struggle for what we think is “better” we lose sight of the amount of cruelty that we dole out to get there.

The point I want to make, is that sometimes in trying to make our lives cleaner, prettier, and more desirably, we inflict such terrible fate on other lives around us. The letter pasted below is about dogs. Animals that we treat as disposable things and possessions that are only valuable until they no longer amuse us. These animals are disposed in unspeakably cruel manner, especially after we brought their existence about for sheer amusement. It’s a sickening truth of the cruelty we can express onto something we find less meaningful than ourselves.

However, my point is not simply about these poor shelter dogs, instead I want to point out the parallels between the disposal of these innocent animal lives with the same careless and unspeakable cruelty that we dispose of the “unwanted” human lives. Disposal, death, condemnation, abuse… these are all ugly things to subject to any life, let alone innocent lives.

I have a theory that all life is innocent, it is only an action that can be guilty. No life should be taken lightly, whether animal or human or inanimate. All life is innocent and should be treated with the same respect that we would want for our own.

Anyway, I wanted to share my thoughts because I was so disturbed by this article, and even more disturbed because I know this amount of cruelty that happens in animal shelters happens in life to human lives… and no one and nothing deserves and existence that is so miserable, painful, and cruel.

 

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The shelter manager’s letter:

“I am posting this (and it is long) because I think our society needs a huge wake-up call.

As a shelter manager, I am going to share a little insight with you all – a view from the inside, if you will.
Maybe if you saw the life drain from a few sad, lost, confused eyes, you would change your mind about breeding and selling to people you don’t even know – that puppy you just sold will most likely end up in my shelter when it’s not a cute little puppy anymore.

How would you feel if you knew that there’s about a 90% chance that dog will never walk out of the shelter it is going to be dumped at – purebred or not! About 50% of all of the dogs that are “owner surrenders” or “strays” that come into my shelter are purebred dogs.

No shortage of excuses
The most common excuses I hear are:

We are moving and we can’t take our dog (or cat).
Really? Where are you moving to that doesn’t allow pets?

The dog got bigger than we thought it would.
How big did you think a German Shepherd would get?

We don’t have time for her.
Really? I work a 10-12 hour day and still have time for my 6 dogs!

She’s tearing up our yard.
How about bringing her inside, making her a part of your family?

They always tell me:
We just don’t want to have to stress about finding a place for her. We know she’ll get adopted – she’s a good dog. Odds are your pet won’t get adopted, and how stressful do you think being in a shelter is?

Well, let me tell you. Dead pet walking!

Your pet has 72 hours to find a new family from the moment you drop it off, sometimes a little longer if the shelter isn’t full and your dog manages to stay completely healthy.
If it sniffles, it dies.

Your pet will be confined to a small run / kennel in a room with about 25 other barking or crying animals. It will have to relieve itself where it eats and sleeps. It will be depressed and it will cry constantly for the family that abandoned it.
If your pet is lucky, I will have enough volunteers that day to take him / her for a walk. If I don’t, your pet won’t get any attention besides having a bowl of food slid under the kennel door and the waste sprayed out of its pen with a high-powered hose.
If your dog is big, black or any of the “bully” breeds (pit bull, rottweiler, mastiff, etc) it was pretty much dead when you walked it through the front door. Those dogs just don’t get adopted.
If your dog doesn’t get adopted within its 72 hours and the shelter is full, it will be destroyed.

If the shelter isn’t full and your dog is good enough, and of a desirable enough breed, it may get a stay of execution, though not for long. Most pets get very kennel protective after about a week and are destroyed for showing aggression. Even the sweetest dogs will turn in this environment.
If your pet makes it over all of those hurdles, chances are it will get kennel cough or an upper respiratory infection and will be destroyed because shelters just don’t have the funds to pay for even a $100 treatment.

The grim reaper
Here’s a little euthanasia 101 for those of you that have never witnessed a perfectly healthy, scared animal being “put-down”.
First, your pet will be taken from its kennel on a leash. They always look like they think they are going for a walk – happy, wagging their tails. That is, until they get to “The Room”.

Every one of them freaks out and puts on the breaks when we get to the door. It must smell like death, or they can feel the sad souls that are left in there. It’s strange, but it happens with every one of them. Your dog or cat will be restrained, held down by 1 or 2 vet techs (depending on their size and how freaked out they are). A euthanasia tech or a vet will start the process. They find a vein in the front leg and inject a lethal dose of the “pink stuff”. Hopefully your pet doesn’t panic from being restrained and jerk it’s leg. I’ve seen the needles tear out of a leg and been covered with the resulting blood, and been deafened by the yelps and screams.

They all don’t just “go to sleep” – sometimes they spasm for a while, gasp for air and defecate on themselves.
When it all ends, your pet’s corpse will be stacked like firewood in a large freezer in the back, with all of the other animals that were killed, waiting to be picked up like garbage.

What happens next? Cremated? Taken to the dump? Rendered into pet food? You’ll never know, and it probably won’t even cross your mind. It was just an animal, and you can always buy another one, right?

Liberty, freedom and justice for all
I hope that those of you that have read this are bawling your eyes out and can’t get the pictures out of your head. I do everyday on the way home from work. I hate my job, I hate that it exists and I hate that it will always be there unless people make some changes and realize that the lives you are affecting go much farther than the pets you dump at a shelter.

Between 9 and 11 MILLION animals die every year in shelters and only you can stop it. I do my best to save every life I can but rescues are always full, and there are more animals coming in everyday than there are homes.
My point to all of this is DON’T BREED OR BUY WHILE SHELTER PETS DIE!

Hate me if you want to – the truth hurts and reality is what it is.
I just hope I maybe changed one person’s mind about breeding their dog, taking their loving pet to a shelter, or buying a dog. I hope that someone will walk into my shelter and say “I saw this thing on craigslist and it made me want to adopt”.
That would make it all worth it.”

Author unknown

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The Thing About Bad Teachers

I don’t know if there is just ONE thing that makes a bad teacher, but you know a bad one when you see them. Today, I was sitting in the library studying, when a teacher came and sat next to me with his student. It looked like a tutoring session…. and it was clear the teacher got paid because I saw him take an envelope from the student. Anyway…. dear old teacher could not stop checking his watch, sighing, or making disparaging comments about wrong answers. Being the curious person I am, I listened in for a few minutes. The teacher was 100% incorrect on several of the simple arithmetic problems, and dismissed the answers in the back of the book as being “typos” when they didn’t align with the answers he got. They weren’t the wrong answers… it was HIM that was wrong. He wasn’t solving the problems correctly.

But, making mistakes and being wrong aside, this tutor was the worst I have encountered in a LONG time. He made is abundantly clear that he was irritated to be teaching and he was MEAN. Not stern or strict, he was just flat out mean. The student got something wrong, and his immediate response was, “Are you trying to waste my time with stupid answers, again?” Not only was it a mean thing to say, but it also implied the student wasn’t worth his time, stupid, and always makes mistakes. It was so mean.

I was just so annoyed. There are so many things I want to say… but when it comes down to it, bad teachers are why students fail. The kid getting tutored today would be fine without this “teacher,” he just needs someone to believe in him and set him straight on PEMDAS and he would sail through math just fine.

It’s sad to think that someone like the student I saw today might fail math because he had ONE bad teacher.

 

The Thing About Age…

A funny thing happened today.

I went to the library today and was accused of being a high schooler. Then I was threatened with being forcibly removed, my parents called, and getting detention at high school… It wasn’t until I showed my irate library thugs (read: little old ladies and a bespectacled little man) my license with my 1980-something birthday that I was let of the hook.

You know, everyone says it is a good thing to look young and I should take it as a compliment, and for the most part I agree. However, in the instances where I’m mistaken for a teenager, I’m not flattered. I’m irritated. I couldn’t possibly look the same as those twitty little girls in their sparkly eyeshadows and ridiculously tight jeans. And… how embarrassing to be told to leave someplace because I’m cutting “HIGH SCHOOL.”

Needless to say, I feel even more ridiculous having to defend against such accusations because this year marks my 10 year high school reunion. That’s right…. TEN. I’m 10 years removed from high school and still being accused of cutting school!

Also… 10 years ago, there is no way I would have cut school. I was way too much of a nerd. If only!

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