Monthly Archives: June 2013

This Whole Paula Deen Bullshit

I don’t really read the news or bother with these celebrity bullshit life stories… but this one? This one is really getting on my last nerve.

I mean seriously… She’s obviously a sucky human being, but all of these allegations? She exercised her right to the freedom of speech. Yeah… she exercised it in an offensive, stupid, and really hurtful way.

Also. Can I please point out that for the most part, these crappy things that she did, she did in private. Now. YOU… YOU think about what you say and do in private… is all of the stuff that you do in private nice? Would everyone still like you if they knew exactly what you were thinking or saying or doing??

So. For all those people who are crucifying Paula Deen, maybe you want to consider what you do in private and how that would reflect on you in the public sphere.

This doesn’t mean I agree with ANYTHING she said or has done… I’m just saying everyone needs to CHILL THE FUCK OUT and relax. She’s a sucky person… and Oh my GOD… does she actually do anything that affects anyone in any way important? She makes Krispy Creme Bread Pudding people…. it’s not like she has any REAL impact on the world.

I mean. Seriously.

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Competitive

Everyone is competitive in their own way. Me? I’m competitive in all sorts of weird places. Like… running at a local path? I make a good faith effort to pass every single person in front of me… I just have to.

But there is a point to where being competitive is really a downfall. Yesterday, I went for a run. There was a man in front of me running, and as always, I set my sights on passing him. So bop bop bop, I passed him and continued to keep up the pace. I think of these “passing” episodes as my fartleks (a.k.a. interval running). Anyway, a few minutes later, I hear huffing and puffing behind me and pounding steps. The man I passed, passes me. I can tell he is passing me at great physical expense, he is red and struggling. But nonetheless some competitive part of him must have needed to pass me too. I mean… I TOTALLY get it.

Well… 500 meters later, I see this man bent over on the side of the running path vomiting his guts out. Poor guy… he just overdid it. And, it happens.

There isn’t a moral to this story… it was just an observation on the competitive nature that we all have inside ourselves and how we push ourselves… sometimes too much.

Right-o. Have a great Monday!! And to all those runners, outdoor worker-outers… keep hydrated, electrolyte balanced, and fueled up. Be safe!

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At the End

I think Andrew Carnegie had it right… he left this earth having given all of his earthly possessions away. I’ve been thinking a lot about death and what happens to our things at the end, which I suppose is pretty morbid for a 20-something year old… but as life continues on, our loved ones pass and it becomes a chore to discuss who gets what.

It’s a little gross to think of how to chop up the pieces of someone’s life so the people who are left behind can have it. I’d like to think I could leave behind a beautiful legacy for my family… but I’d also to hate to think about my loved ones fighting for stupid things like money, possessions, and things that matter so little.

Anyway – this is the little things that kick around in my head. What’s the best way to handle all of that? Maybe to just give it all away and cherish the memories, instead of the material goods.

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It Should Be Unspoken. Do Not Touch ME.

Yesterday, I was studying at the public library when a man (think 50 year old man) spoke to me and asked how my day was going. I responded politely to his questions and then turned back to my books to study. A few minutes later, he touched my shoulder and said, “I’m just trying to continue our conversation. Tell me more about you.” While touching a shoulder is normally innocuous and innocent, I feel that any physical interaction with someone you do not know is inappropriate.

When I said, “Uhm. I’m studying.” He continued to ask me more about myself, and it was clear he was hitting on me. He kept saying, “I’m just trying to get a conversation started here….” So finally, I said that I was married, in hopes of hinting that he should leave me alone. To no avail. So finally, I said, “I’m going to advise you to walk away from me now. You are making me uncomfortable.”

He left me alone at that point, but I couldn’t leave because I wasn’t sure if he would lurk outside the library, be sitting near by staring at me, or be otherwise inappropriate towards me. I had to sit glued to my seat until I was 100% certain that he had left, and even when I was sure he had left, I told the librarian that there was a man making me uncomfortable before leaving. Because, in the off chance that he would hold some sort of weird grudge and be outside to follow me home or do something weird, I needed to have told someone.

I had a friend tell me that my concerns were overkill, but I know different. It’s better to be safe. When I spoke to this man, I felt that he was not normal and I had reason to be concerned. Not only did he make uninvited overtures at me, but he also put his hand on my shoulder. I was seating facing the desk, and he stood directly behind me. Put his hand on my shoulder and started talking to me. Since I was seated, his position behind me was uncomfortable to speak with someone and I wouldn’t have been able to leave without touching him more. The positioning and the actions this man made were overly aggressive and made me extremely uncomfortable. I felt unable to leave and trapped. I doubt that any woman would feel comfortable in this situation. Not to mention that he was a good 30 years older than me and extremely creepy in personality.

I understand that it is difficult for all men to approach women, and it takes a lot of guts. However, just because it takes courage to approach women, does not mean they have the right to be aggressive and rude. Obviously, this does not apply to the majority of men that I have met, but there is a shocking number of men that lack this sense of boundaries and continually make me uncomfortable.

I worked in an office where a partner reached out and touched my hip as I passed by. He said, as he touched me, “That skirt looks really nice on you.” It was horrifying, and I didn’t know how to respond. He controlled my paycheck and I had been hoping for a recommendation from him when I finished working for him. It took me two days to return to the office, tell him that I would not be returning because he made me feel so uncomfortable by touching me and commenting on my physical appearance.

I shouldn’t have to tell people NOT to touch me uninvited. I should not even have to write this, but I feel like I should because I know this has happened to many women and it’s simply not okay. Being touched, no matter how lightly, when unwelcomed is extremely upsetting.

One of my male friends told me that I should be flattered by the attention. In his words, “Getting hit on is a huge compliment. Don’t be sensitive. They just want to let you know they think you’re hot.”

But you know what? It’s not okay. It’s not a compliment and I hate it. It’s not innocent. I know first hand how crazy and threatening people can be when they are trying to get attention.

  • I’ve had someone stop their car in the middle of traffic to ask me for my number… and that car continued to follow me on the street until I ducked into a store and asked for help. The car circled the block 3 more times before giving up and driving away. He didn’t even touch me, and he managed to be so creepy that 3 years later, I still hate walking down the street alone. I walk in the opposite direction of traffic now so it’s harder for people who stop and follow me.
  • At a bar, a man grabbed my arm and wouldn’t let go when I refused to give him my name. He twisted my arm so hard I had bruises for days afterwards. He followed me out of the bar, and ran down the street after me shouting. I had to jump into a nearby cab to escape him. He rattled me so badly, I refused to frequent any of the bars or shops in that part of town for several months.
  • My friend and I were walking to dinner, when someone ran between us and linked arms with us. He was drunk, and insisted that we tell him our names and “hang out.” When we tried to extricate ourselves from his grasp, he shouted profanity at us and told us, “I hope you get raped and murdered.” Seriously? What?!

It’s pathetic that the desperation of a few people ruins any semblance of safety and feeling secure enough to walk somewhere alone. I know that my experiences are not even the worst ones, and I know that many other women have felt the same type of intimidation by overly aggressive men.

The moral of this whole long post? Don’t touch. It shouldn’t have to be spoken. We should know that we don’t like being touched by strangers, and therefore we shouldn’t touch other people either!!!

Have you had experiences where you felt that someone touched you in an aggressive way? Do you think that touching a stranger’s shoulder is an acceptable form of getting their attention?

 

 

 

 

 

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