Monthly Archives: July 2013

Nope. I’m out.

Last week, my friends and I were having brunch and we talked about fun weekend plans. One of my friends talked about Coachella and EDC, discussing how she and some of her friends had planned on saving money to attend both of these events. Another chimed in that she was saving money for a concert… and I remained uncharacteristically quiet for someone who always has something to say.

My friends then erupted into laughter, saying “These kinds of things are your NIGHTMARE, aren’t they?” And you want to know something? They absolutely are.

I just don’t like being squished. I can handle being squished in a bar for a couple hours, drinking, and hollering lyrics… but at the end of the night. I go home to MY home, MY bed, and MY things so I can go about my neurotic bedtime ritual of washing, cleaning, and showering the rest of the day away, getting into fresh pajamas and passing out. I have a neurotic little ritual that involves a lot of clean water and my own space to flop down and sleep.

So. Like I said, I don’t mind being squished for a little bit, but extended stays in these kinds of situations are not my type of thing. I hate the idea of using a porta-potty for a couple days and not being able to shower and soap up. I hate the idea of being squished outdoors with other hot and sweaty people bumping into me… I just don’t like the idea of any of it.

So when I laughed and said I had in fact turned down all-expenses paid invitations to Coachella and EDC because the idea of these kinds of events just wore on my nerves, my friends looked at me again and told me I was not the normal 20-something year old enjoying life.

But see… here is the thing. While I dislike those rave-y kind of things, I am actually enjoying every minute of my existence. I just simply choose to enjoy it in ways that fulfill my needs. If I were to force myself into a music festival simply because my friends enjoy it, I would be miserable and out a ton of money that I could spend on other things.

So. Nope. I’m out on the things that don’t make me happy… or things that make me cringe at the mere thought.

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Judging Beauty – How to Be Wrong

After debating on writing on this topic, I’ve finally decided to do so. There have been recent articles about Korean beauty pageants and the beauty queens that look “shockingly” similar. The articles I have seen have been rudely conclusory about Korean ideals and what beauty means to a culture that most of these journalists have never had any experience with.

Their lack of understanding and ignorance for publishing these types of articles is simply rude and a burden on the Korean-American population in the United States, and I’m sure to all Korean communities elsewhere. While the supposed percentages of Korean women engaging in plastic surgery is a shockingly high number, the assumption that these procedures are conducted to appear “more Western” and look more “American” and “less Asian” are extremely rude and offensive to anyone of Asian descent.

While I don’t foresee myself undergoing plastic surgery any time in the near future, I see these journalists branding Koreans and other Asians with “White fever” or this desire to be more “American.” This over-generalization and assumption that these features are predominately Western and therefore more desirable is simply wrong.  These are journalists who have never spent time in Asia learning the culture and understanding what is beautiful to someone that looks so different from themselves.

As a Korean American growing up in the United States, I have been mistaken for another Asian girl more times than I can recall (in fact today it happened at the mall)… mostly by “white” people. I asked once, and someone told me that because Asian girls are generally just above 5 feet tall, black haired, and thin that we all “appear” identical at first blush.

Do you have an Asian friend? How many times have you mistaken someone for that Asian friend? Do you get confused? If you were to walk into an ALL Asian club, would you be able to tell every single face apart?

Can you tell me then, that you know with absolute certainty that these Korean women are trying to all look the “same” or to look “White” because a composite picture of Korean beauty queens? Because you are simply not nuanced enough to discern the difference between a bunch of women?

So… because YOU can’t tell the difference between the women, you draw ridiculous conclusions about their idea of beauty. 

Before I sign off here… women everywhere are the same. We just want to be beautiful and we want everyone to think that we are beautiful too. Even the most secure and beautiful of us want to feel beautiful. Don’t you? Don’t you want to feel beautiful?

Take all your clothes off. Go stand in front of a full length mirror and take a good long hard look at your entire body, your face, and your flaws. If money was no object and there was absolutely no recovery time, and no pain…. what would you change about yourself? Most of us would change something, but we don’t because we have either come to terms with the hand we’ve been dealt, or we’ve found someone that thinks that we are so beautiful that we are okay with our flaws, or we’re simply too scared to go under the knife, or some other reason that holds us back.

The only difference between the women who haven’t gotten plastic surgery and those who have? Is the surgery. Because at our core, we just want to be beautiful inside and out.

So, my conclusion? Before you judge and before you come to some ridiculous conclusions about what it means to be beautiful to an Asian woman, or any woman… remember that we all just want to be beautiful and sometimes that means taking actions that others may not agree with.

 

 

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Business Trips+++

I want to talk about the men that I know who travel for work… and this crazy idea that they have. I have quite a few friends that travel for a living, and some of these men I had dated and some I have not. But, there is this phenomenon that happens when you talk to businessmen that travel a lot that just seems to happen more often than not.

The phenomenon of “I’m going to be in San Jose for a week on business, why don’t I fly you out?” or whatever derivative of that statement. During grad school, I used to tally these little “fly you out” statements, and occasionally I would indulge the man and fly out… especially if it was somewhere tropical during the winter. Because, what girl wouldn’t want to go to white sand beaches and unlimited mimosas for a week?

Anyway. My friend, who I did date once upon a long-ass time ago, recently called and told me to meet him in California. He gave me very precise dates and times, and then told me to book my flight immediately, without so much as a “do you want to?” Now, I just have a few questions…

  1. What… what on earth do you think I will be doing ALL day while you are at work? Should I be lounging in lingerie and pining over your return?
  2. Do you expect me to sit around at the hotel waiting for you to come back? Am I supposed to watch TV?
  3. If I’m being asked to go to a boring city or one that is literally devoid of fun (ahem… Akron?!), how are you going to entertain me?
  4. Is there anything to do during the day while you’re off earning your keep? Is there a museum? A movie theatre? A car for me to drive? Taxis? What is there for ME to do?
  5. What about lunch? Am I supposed to eat alone? Or will you come to whisk me off for lunch? Because I know how conferences work, and that sounds like I’ll be eating ALONE, by MYSELF.
  6. What about dinner? Are you going out with your buddies and smoking cigars, hitting up titty bars and leaving me on my own?
  7. Are you going to come back late, drunk and stupid?
  8. Also… if you aren’t taking me to dinner, who is paying for MINE? Because you did fly me out, and you can’t really expect me to foot the bill for stupid shit I don’t want to do by myself.
  9. If I decide to take time out of my schedule… what am I getting? Is this going to be fun for me? Will it be vacation? Or me just burning time until you come back to hang out with me?
  10. Is this actually going to be fun for ME?
  11. Do you think I find it flattering that you are flying me anywhere? Because I find it WAY more flattering if YOU flew to ME, not the reverse.
  12. Is this your way of “treating” me to a hotel that your company picks the tab up on? Because, that’s kinda unethical and kinda cheap of you.

Now, I know a lot of my questions seem to revolve around “who pays”  and “are you going to play with me?” but it’s a real question… because when I think of flying to see someone, I assume they will spend their time with ME, and not juggling work and me. Because as a career woman myself, I wouldn’t let someone distract me from my career, let along an important business trip.

So. Those are my concerns, questions, and serious comments to those men who think flying someone out to them for a business trip is fun. Because… in my experience it is less than fun and I mostly never want to speak to them again. So… I have a policy. No Business Trips+++.

What are your thoughts?

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