Monthly Archives: April 2014

Tinder Chronicles: Swiping Left on People You’ve Already Dated

So continues the Tinder Chronicles… I can’t decide if I should go back and rename all these posts to make some sort of series. For now, it’s just going to be a bunch of stories.

I’m on Tinder. Doh. Keep up people. Anyways, before I was on Tinder, I used to hang out with this dude whatever right? Anyways, my friend was swiping through her Tinder and ran across his picture. She, of course, took a screen shot and sent it to me with the caption “OH HELLO THERE.”

AHAHAHAHAHAH!! Good thing she knew what he looked like so I had a good laugh!

Not a couple hours later, I was swiping away because let me tell you… Tinder is addicting. When I nearly dropped my phone… OH MY GOD. Who is that I see there except DANNY. Who is Danny you ask? Danny is a friend of a friend. We met a while back, said we’d get drinks, and then it never happened. I debated for a good minute on swiping right just so I could say “CAN WE FINALLY GET DRINKS NOW?!” But I didn’t know if he would find that funny or embarrassing. Some people are embarrassed about meeting on Tinder… personally? I don’t think it’s a big deal.

So, my decision after running across a couple profiles for men I know is to unilaterally swipe left.


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Tinder Date #4 – The Picnic Short a Picnic

I’m skipping dates #2-3 in my chronicles for the moment, so we’ll breeze right on to Date #4. The PICNIC.

Justin messaged me, and after a few cute exchanges, he asked to meet. I agreed. I prefer meeting earlier on, instead of carrying on these useless text exchanges because everyone is charming over text. We agreed on a meeting spot. 4:30pm and he said “I’ll take you picnicking. I’ll see you there.” It sounded terribly cute and romantic.

The meeting spot was a bit of a trek for me, but I arrived at 4:25pm on the nose. It was a beautiful outside, so instead of wandering around the nearby shops, I sat on a bench… and waited……………

I have a horrible impatience for people who are late. I just don’t like wasting my time…. so by 4:45pm I was irritated. I texted, “Not sure if I’m getting stood up. Have a nice day.” And then walked away. At 5:00pm, Justin texted saying that he had arrived. Despite my irritation, I decided to give him a chance because I was only a few blocks away and you never know! It could be fun! I love picnics!

We met. I had a sinking feeling of “omfg this is a disaster.” There was no apology for being a half hour late… but no matter we set off for our picnic. After wandering for a good 40 minutes looking for a “good spot” I realized I had been duped. Everything he had told me via text was a lie. He hadn’t graduated from a prestigious university like he told me. He didn’t run his own company, he didn’t have a full time job…. he wasn’t anything like he had told me. Not to mention his pictures were TOTALLY not an accurate representation of himself. All that aside, I kept talking and walking with him because some part of my brain was like “give him a chance.”

So Justin finally settles on a spot that is acceptable for a picnic, only to find that we have vastly different definitions of “picnic.” He unpacked his bag… one blanket, one sad orange, and one warm can of ginger ale.

ONE orange and ONE ginger ale. I kid you not. I can’t. I don’t even. Like… what?!

We chatted for a bit more, he made some snotty comments about my profession, and then I made up some excuse to leave. As I was trying to hail a cab, he bent in for a kiss… as if he deserved a kiss. I pat him on the shoulder and power walked away.

So long Justin. You were the weirdest, most bizarre person I’ve ever encountered. You were rude, weird, and presumptuous. I hope the next girl slaps you in the face.



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Timothy, the Annoying Tinder Match

Timothy…. you annoying piece of shit.

Dear old (no seriously, he’s old) Timothy messaged me on Tinder, and after a couple back and forth questions and hilarity he gave me his number. We texted back and forth. He asked to meet, but I had a crazy schedule so it didn’t work out the first week we chatted. Then he asked again, but our schedules didn’t sync. I ignored him for a little, and then he guilted me one afternoon about not making time to hang out… it was cute so I texted back with days I was free. We settled on Sunday afternoon so we could wander around in the sunshine and enjoy the weather.

A few days beforehand, I texted to confirm and he came back with “Let’s play it by ear.” And I was instantly irritated, not because it sounds like I’m getting blown off… but also because he was the one that had insisted on planning to meet. So I said “Make solid plans with me, or I’m out. I don’t like the playing it by ear idea.” And his response, “Can’t commit.”

What. The. FUCK?!

After guilt tripping me about not meeting, and then telling me “I’ll work with your schedule, I just want to meet you” …. I don’t even have a response other than… What. The. FUCK happened?! 

Tinder Date #1 – Chronicles of Hilarity

I signed up for Tinder, you know that dating app, at the end of March. My girl friend recommended it, so on a whim I downloaded the app. After a couple swipes left and right, I started chatting with Ryan. He was nice and answered all my questions. So, when he asked me on a movie date, I said yes.

We agreed on a place to meet, and as I drove up I immediately thought “THIS IS A MISTAKE!” But he had already seen me and waved, so there was no turning back. I said hi, and his immediate response? “You’re SO pretty.”

While I’m a normal girl and I do like when people tell me I’m pretty… I’m also VERY concerned when men only notice that I’m pretty or if they are in complete and utter awe as to how I’m pretty. Ryan? He was like chin on the ground about how pretty he thought I was. I guess I put up unattractive pictures of myself? Or maybe he had never been on a date with an attractive girl? Either way, I was immediately concerned… but we had planned for dinner AND a movie… Oh jesus.

Anyway, long story short – we squeaked through dinner with barely passable food and subpar conversation… The movie was no better and he FELL ASLEEP! The movie ended, and it was then my opportunity to escape! At my car, he made an attempt to kiss me. Too bad he accidentally stepped on my beautiful suede shoes and practically broke my foot.

I limped into my car while he feebly said sorry about stepping on me. He made a couple attempts at reaching out again, but I was too busy icing my foot.

Ryan was sweet and tried really hard, but in the end he was clearly out of his depth. I wish him good luck!


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Broken Hearts

I was talking to my sister about connecting with people… I went on a few first days and all of the men told me they felt “chemistry” and “connection” with me. I was flattered, but more than that I was curious about that feeling of chemistry and connection. My priorities have always been academic and professional success, and until now the only thing that makes my heart beat faster and makes me happy is professional or academic success. My heart’s pitterpatter is reserved for those things. I don’t know I’ve ever felt chemistry or connection like that with a person nearly as much as I have with my work and my job.

Last night, I received notice that something I had worked really hard for didn’t work out. It’s a huge professional setback, enough that I immediately thought “I might need a career change.” I woke up today with a little bit of a broken heart. I’m hurt and confused and I’m not sure what to do next.

I’m throwing myself back to into work and being a productive person…. I think it’s the best way to heal this kind of broken heart.

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Having It All

A friend and I talked about “having it all” in a partner. You know… the idea that the person you decide to spend your life with can provide you with all of the emotional, intellectual, physical, sexual… and whatever else you need.

We differed in opinion… I genuinely believe that you can’t have it all in a single person and a single relationship. Humans a social creatures, and we need a variety of different relationships with differing people and with different opinions to feel fulfilled. From my own personal experience, I know this to be true.

I had a relationship a while ago, and the man I was dating felt that he and he alone should be the only person I ever needed to interact with. He was insanely jealous of any other relationship I had… whether I was continuing a friendship with my group of girl friends or with colleagues. So I asked him… and he told me that for him, I was all he ever needed. For a while I was flattered, and curious as to how one single person could fulfill his every need. Turns out, he lied. It wasn’t long before I found out about all of the other women that he closeted away with trying to find another person to fulfill other needs in his life. I don’t blame him at all… we all need more than one relationship to be happy. It’s just a matter of being a mature and honest person about your needs.

I have a close friend. He’s very happily married. He and I speak 2 or 3 times a week… and I am his first call when he needs to talk something through. He once told me his wife teased him about needing to talk to me about his work related problems… but the fact of the matter is, he would rather talk to me about work than his wife. Why? Because for him, he only wants to focus on the life he has built with his wife, and not dirty the conversation with inane work problems. Our friendship is based on our mutual need to vent about work. In fact, we barely talk about anything other than work. And, again, the most important part? He’s honest about his need to talk about work with someone other than his wife. She and I know each other, and know our friendship is only about work.

It’s an interesting dynamic, and I’ve had other friends comment on it. They ask if I ever feel uncomfortable about having such a close relationship with a married man, and I have to say I do think about it for the sake of propriety but it’s a mature friendship that is based on supporting each other in the professional world. Something that we both need, and don’t want from our partners in life.

What are your thoughts?



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