Tag Archives: marriage

Shallow and Vain

I went to a party this weekend.

One of the boys (I know, they are men, but to me they will always be boys) made a comment about how he gave his wife a “keep the wife busy” project. And when I inquired further, he said that she spent the entire day shopping and wandering around their spacious 9 bedroom penthouse… so he decided to give her a “little project” so she would stay out of his hair when he was off at business. Please keep in mind, we were all out on a Saturday and his wife was nowhere to be found. When I asked… he said that “Wives belong at home.”

He then made some offhand comment that the little “project” was a boutique in Soho and he loved it because she was on her feet all day and she was thinner and hotter than ever. He commented that when she stayed home all day, she ate sweets and had gotten a little “cushy” around the middle.

Then he asked me what I do… and I couldn’t help myself and said I had a “little project” too and that I was glad I had it because I didn’t want to get “fat and unattractive.” A couple snotty comments later, and he left the party in a rage.

I make no claims that I am not shallow or vain. I know with absolute certainty that I am a little shallow and a little vain. Maybe a lot. But the point is, that everyone thinks about their appearance and it concerns us. However, despite my concerns about my appearance and superficial things like this… I dislike any comments like this boy made about his wife.

These snotty comments about his wife just got under my skin… so much so that I went out of my way to deadpan him into a rage. I couldn’t help myself. I don’t even know this woman, but I was immediately at her defense. Why? Because, this man? This jackass? He is a nightmare, and an absolute horror to be married to.

I get it. You’re rich beyond belief. Your wife is 10 years younger, hot and gorgeous. You’re a hotshot in whatever shit finance field you are in. You were big man on campus 10 years ago when we were in undergrad, and you still expect the co-eds to be throwing their panties at you. And yes, your hot blonde secretary will probably try to bone you. ALL that aside, how could you talk such shit about your wife? Because if I understand this correctly – you think she’s your play thing and stupid enough to need to rely on you for everything. You know what that sounds like to me? You were even stupider for marrying her.

So listen, you punkass DICK, you might think talking down on your wife makes you look macho, but it makes you look like a spineless shit. You pathetic excuse of a man. You aren’t man enough to go home to your wife and behave like a good husband, instead you come out order $10k of bottle service and talk shit about your wife to other women. Maybe those other girls will still throw their panties at you… but me? I’m not interested. Fuck you and all of your bullshit. I hope she divorces you and CLEANS you out… I don’t know her, but I know she doesn’t deserve that shit from you. Better yet, you give her my phone number, because when it comes time for her to need a lawyer? I’m going to help her eviscerate you.


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The Idea of Monogamy

I met someone a few months ago, John (because everyone’s name is John). He told me that he regularly has affairs, but he had no plans to leave his wife and no plans to tell her about his incessant need to sleep with other women. He explained that “the main goal is sex. The emotional stuff I share with the person I love, my wife.” He also told me that he has rules. He only has affairs with married women who aren’t interested in ending their marriages, and  he ends all of his affairs within a few months, and doesn’t get attached.

I asked if he thought she would leave him if she ever found out. He said “I don’t know… and I don’t plan on finding out.”

John has had several affairs over the years, but he claims the number of affairs he has had is irrelevant, because they don’t mean anything substantive. His “one” is his wife. He’s married to her, for better or for worse. He told me that the affairs mean nothing, so there is no reason to hurt his wife by telling her about them. After all… what she doesn’t know, can’t hurt her… and he doesn’t want her to leave him.

I’ll be honest… his type? It’s high on my list of nightmares. I believe in singular marriage. Monogamous. One person only. Of course, I am not married so I definitely do not understand the complexities of marriage, children, sharing life, and all that stuff… but I can only hope that I never get married to someone like John. There is something so awful about lying to someone so they won’t leave you. It is almost like trapping someone by deceit. I would want the option of making the decision to leave or stay if my spouse felt the need to cheat and sleep around… I wouldn’t want to feel like my husband lied to me to trick me into staying with him. It’s just…. psychologically messed up.

What do you think? What is your idea of monogamy?







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