When I ask people why they are in relationships with the people they are with, I inevitably get a variety of answers… but my favorite is when people say “They bring out the best in me.”
I love it because there are parts of me that I have learned to accept, but there are qualities that I like to diminish. I’m not normally a jealous person, but there are some people that bring out that quality in me… and it is not a quality I aspire to have as a main part of me. So, the people that enhance that quality in me, tend not to last too long because I find it to be a bad quality to amplify in my personality.
There are people, like my friend Angie, that encourage and enhance my studious and meticulous side. And, I adore her because of many other qualities – but because she does amplify the good qualities, I find her to be an important person in my life.
I wonder a lot about this in relationships – or when I first meet someone. I think…. do they bring out the good in me? Or do they bring out a quality in me that I find unacceptable?
I met someone a few months back, and he’s sweet and nice. But every once a while he will just step right in it and I get so annoyed. Yesterday, I hung up on him because he irritated me so badly and I didn’t want to explain. So I hung up. Not good.
Today, I talked to Matt, my ex, and he insisted I make time for him when I’m very busy next week…. and again the annoyance bubbled up… and my annoyance normally is expressed in one or two ways – 1. A serious lecture about why that annoyed me and a warning not to do it again. or 2. FURY. I just hang up or I’ll say something extremely mean.
Both of these mild annoyances resulted in the latter reaction from me – a quality I find unappealing – and while I know that I am an adult and I should be able to control my feelings… I couldn’t in the moment.
So I wonder – perhaps these two influences in my life are not good ones since my normal level headed approach to things is tossed out the window and I get so so annoyed.
I want someone that makes me the better version of myself.
What do you look for in your other half?